


Hold On

by Spideypool_Eating_Tacos



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), infinity war - Fandom
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Fluff, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Peter, Hurt Wade Wilson, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Wade Wilson, Sick Peter Parker, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2019-11-02 01:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17878181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spideypool_Eating_Tacos/pseuds/Spideypool_Eating_Tacos
Summary: Ten months after the snap, Wade has waited in the hopes that his baby boy will return, the remaining Avengers believe they can fix it they can set the balance right, unaware of what the consequences could be. Wade just wanted the silence gone.He glanced at the name across the screen “Hello?” he said with more question than greeting. “We found them” the voice replied from the end of the line.New Chapter updated 10-08-2019





	1. Home Please.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He glanced at the name across the screen _“Hello?”_ he said with more question than greeting. _“We found them”_ the voice replied from the end of the line._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> __

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Disclaimer: I don't any of these characters._  
>  This originally started as a One Shot, don't know what happened.

 

 

 

**Then**

The fog that had hung around New York seemed less thick on this particular morning, Wade walked around the eerily quiet city, it wasn’t as noisy as it use to be and although crime was still rife it was down considering most of the population had gone. Wade spent most early morning’s wandering around the city, his mind had not rested in months and sleep never helped. The remaining Avengers had been so busy for the last few months refusing to let him help with the consequences of the snap _“Your emotions will get the better of you”_ he recalled Steve saying; _“you’ll get us killed, you’ll get to heavy handed like you always do”_ he added within the same breath. His mind was tired he just wanted his Peter back. He knew Cap was probably right he knew that and it was something that he shouldn’t admit. But he needed to sit this one out, he knew they could fix it, well he hoped they could. He didn’t know how much longer he could cope with the silence at home. He would give anything to hear his baby boy requesting pancakes for breakfast or his soft laugh when Wade attempted to be any form of domestic. He glanced along the empty road towards the lights not a car insight, not a single person, besides him he glanced at his phone **5:45am** , he let out a sharp sigh, silence at home and silence in the city, which was now being interrupted by the loud ring from the phone in his hand **“Spider Mama”** he glanced at the name across the screen _“Hello?”_ he said with more question than greeting. _“We found them”_ the voice replied from the end of the line.

 

**Present**

10 months 26 days, that was how long it had been, that’s how long it had taken. The Avengers had done what was needed to restore the world after the chaos created by Thanos. There had been consequences as there always is when meddling in the affairs of time, there is always some price to be paid or in this case a debt. Detrimental would be the word Wade would often use; when referring to the snap. He had gotten Peter back who on most days is a shadow of his former self. Some days he will see the soft glint in his brown eyes, the small spark of happiness, but it disappears as quickly as it appears. Peter was mainly quiet about what had happened after the snap. Wade was aware of the tossing and turning Peter did in the early hours of the morning, when he would eventually drift into a restless slumber. His small frame pressed against Wade, who would run his fingers through the soft brown curls in attempt to ease his boyfriend’s unrest offering him some comfort from the terrors he had experienced. 

It was during these hours that Wade would remember the call he had received from Natasha telling them they had Peter they had found them. The first few weeks had been hard, not everyone who had died returned, half the universe had been destroyed but only half of those who had, were alive again. Weasel, the guys from St Margaret’s, Wade wasn’t even sure if they ever would, the thought made his heartache. But he was one of the luck ones his baby boy had returned. Even on hardest of days he would be forever grateful for this.

Wade remembers those first weeks so vividly they consisted of Peter refusing to close his eyes for even a moment for the fear he would not disappear again. Wade spent many nights hold him tightly on their lazy boy armchair, rocking his body gently against his own to sooth the smaller man’s tired mind, however when Peter would drift off for a short moment, it resulted in loud anguished screams from his baby boy. The pain in the younger man’s screams still rattled Wade; even for the type of man he is; it always unnerved him. He would run his fingers through the soft curls, placing gently kisses to his forehead in his best attempts to sooth and comfort.

 One of the first nights after Peter had returned; Wade had finished cleaning up the Tacos they had for dinner; Peter sat in the living room staring absent minded at the television, Wade knew he wasn’t aware of what was happening on the screen. Wade wasn’t even sure Peter was in there half of the time; he always seemed to remain pensive with the same blank express and blank eyes. Wade glanced at Peter before turning his head back to the sink wiping the coloured plates with the soapy cloth, domestic is what he had become now; without Peter for the last ten months he tried to act as though he still needed to do this for his own sanity. He stared down at the glass he had begun to rinse under the water he remembered back to the day when he was allowed to take Peter home. He doesn’t remember how he got to the avengers facility after the call; but he does remember feeling as though someone had removed his heart from his chest. 

 

 

_**Past** _

Cho had given Peter a clean bill of health when they had left the facility, not completely clean of course, but Peter was back he wasn’t dust he wasn’t dead. Possibly the better outcome than the latter. _“He needs a lot of rest Wade, and sometime for his mind to catch up with what he has been through, I suggest he comes back every Tuesday for some Therapy, counselling will be our best option, Sam has already agreed to go and I’m sure I can get Steve on board with Bucky, they will get there, we just need to give them time and support”_ Cho had said softly looking through the glass window of the med bay, where Peter sat on the white cot, his fingers picking at a stray thread on the thin hospital trousers. Wade glanced in Peter’s direction, nodding his head in agreement with Cho “ _I’ll make sure he’s there, but I can take him home now?”_ he asked softly, anxious that he would have to remain here another day. Cho nodded her head, pressing her lips in a thin line _“You can, just make sure he eats, he hasn’t eaten since he got here, he just pushes it away, I wouldn’t normally agree to letting someone go home without them eating. I can’t be sure of when he last had something substantial, judging by his frame and weight it's been a while and he hasn’t said much since they were found, just call if you need anything.”_ she finished. Wade nodded in agreement, _“I’ll make sure he eats”_ he replied and turned to press the keypad on the glass door; which slid quietly open. _“Hey baby, you ready to get going, we’re going home now, get you in your favourite pyjamas and some rest, what you say?”_ Wade said, not expecting a response he hadn’t spoken since Wade had gotten there. And judging by Helen’s comments he hadn’t spoken with anyone else either. 

Stepping towards Peter who didn’t react to the older man’s voice or when he pulled his own coat from his shoulders to place around Peter’s.Wade reached his finger forward to stroke Peter’s right cheek, _“let’s go sweetheart”_ he said softly, holding his hand out he didn’t expect any sort of reaction or even for Peter to grasp it back but he did, Wade threaded his fingers through Peter’s and gave a gently squeeze, Peter stepped down from the cot and followed close to Wade’s shoulder as they walked from the med bay, progress of sorts.

Stepping through the glass door into the long corridor of the med bay, Helen spoke softly to Wade _“Happy is waiting for you both downstairs, he’ll take you home.”_ Wade nodded his thanks and walked slowly to the elevator, to take them down. Stepping inside, Wade tapped the button to take them to the ground floor, pulling Peter against his side and wrapping his arm around him, Peter rest his head against Wade’s shoulder. Wade exhaled the breath he felt he had held for the last ten plus months, when the lift door opened they stepped into the foyer, the black car parked near the revolving door; Peter took Wade’s hand again his palms sweaty which Wade knew was because he was anxious, when he looked at Peter he saw his eyes darting around the surroundings. 

Peter knew this place but Wade was unsure of what was going through his mind. _“You’re ok”_ he whispered, his thumb gently stroking Peter’s thumb. Exiting the elevator they made their way through the revolving door, Wade reaching across to open the door of the car, allowing Peter to slip into the car first, then he followed, reaching across to place the seat belt across Peter and then pulling his own across him. Holding his arm out to allow the younger man to relax into his side and bury his face against Wade’s chest.

The black window divide came down revealing Happy, dark circles under his eyes but his expression soft nodding his head in Wade’s direction “home please” he whispered softly, Happy gave another gently nod before the black window divide moved back into place, giving both men some privacy. Wade rested his chin against the crown of Peter’s head, his arm holding the younger man’s body close to him. As the car began to move softly forward making its way to their home.

 

 

....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hope you enjoyed_  
>  Leave comments & let me know what you think.  
> Wrote this instead of sleeping.  
> The Editing tool is also rude.  
>  _Edited 16/07/2019 - Grammar Corrections_


	2. "Okay"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ten months after the snap, Wade has waited in the hopes that his baby boy will return, the remaining Avengers believe they can fix it they can set the balance right, unaware of what the consequences could be. Wade just wanted the silence gone._
> 
>  
> 
>  _“How’s he doing?”_ came the voice to his left, _“has he talked yet?”_ the voice added. Wade turned his head to look at older man, shaking his head slightly, _“No, not a word, he wants to I know it he just doesn’t know where to start”_
> 
>  
> 
> __

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Disclaimer: I don't any of these characters._  
>  This originally started as a One Shot, don't know what happened.  
> 

....

 

**Present**

Wade came back to earth in that moment when he felt a sharp sting in his hand, glancing down to see red swirl in the water, lifting his hands from the sink he realised he had been holding the glass a little to tightly, cracking it. Shaking his head, he lifted the two broken pieces, walking across to drop them into the trash bin. Grabbing a dry dish towel from the kitchen counter and holding it around the slight cut on his thumb; stemming the flow of blood. It wasn’t that deep it wouldn’t require any sort of stitching and certainly no band aid. His enhanced healing would fix that, it would be gone in an hour.

Tossing the dish towel back onto the counter he reached across to the sink to drain the water. Before turning to walk slowly towards the couch where Peter had remained ever so quietly. This type of silence was far worse than the silence he had experience over the last gruelling ten months. Peter was here but he was never present. Wade couldn’t put that blame on him though it wasn’t his fault and he would talk about what he remembers when he is ready.

 _“Tacos were amazing tonight, they haven’t tasted that good in a long while?”_ he said softly settling himself back onto the couch, attempting some small conversation with Peter. “You did good tonight even ate a full one, Helen would be pleased” he continued his eyes turning to look at the younger man staring at the television still. Wade knew he was listening, so he continued _, “What you say we head to bed and try for some sleep tonight, instead of our old tattered armchair?”_ he asked. His body ached at the thought of another night on the armchair, it sounded selfish the moment he thought it. Reaching across to grab the remote from the table and press the off button, the television screen shut off quickly to black. Peter turned his head softly to look at Wade letting out a sigh. Well that counted for something.

  
_“You gonna come back to me baby?”_ Wade asked softly looking at the brown eyes now looking up at him. Peter licked his dry lips almost as if he was going to speak or thinking of what he could possible say. But nothing. He stood then and waited for the older man to stand up too. Wade took that as a queue that Peter had finally agreed to go to bed and the armchair was not an option tonight.

  
Wade stood up and ushered the smaller man gently to their room, the room was relatively warm tonight, Peter looked around the room carefully when they had entered looking for anything out of the ordinary. Wade could only assume that Peter having finally agreeing to sleep in their room after three weeks was a some sort of progress, he wasn’t sure what Peter would expect, he wasn’t even sure if he was looking for danger or just observing the surrounding, but when he settled down on the bed and glanced at Wade who had begun to pull the large faded grey t-shirt and large navy pyjama bottoms, it almost seemed as though he had relaxed slight. No threat here.

  
Wade made his way back to the smaller man, reaching to pull the soft grey sweater off him, Peter raised his arms as they were released from the sleeves. Wade dropping it to the floor before pulling the white t shirt over Peter’s head, who slipped his arms through the sleeves. All this was progress to Wade, a full three weeks of silence but Peter cooperating to get dressed was good, it may be baby steps, but it was something. Wade was sure he would have to text Cap about this progress tomorrow.

  
_“Ok sweetheart let’s get these on”_ he said a soft smile on his lips as Peter stood up and pulled the sweat pants from his hips, they were too big for the younger man, not only because he had lost weight, but they were also Wade’s. Something Wade had noticed on their first night when they got home, Peter refused to wear anything that would cling to his skin, folding his arms tightly and closing his eyes tightly when Wade had first removed the hospital clothing. When Wade had held out his large white t shirt, and Peter opened his eyes his body relaxed, and he allowed Wade to pull the thin hospital tee and bottoms from him. Then letting Wade pull his own white t shirt over the younger man’s head and helping him slip him arms through the sleeves.

  
Wade pulled the pyjama bottoms on the younger man he had held onto Wade as he stepped into them. Finally Wade placed his hands gently on either side of Peter’s face and kissed his forehead, his lips lingering for a few moments, then leaning passed him to pull the bed covers. Peter climbed gently into the bed, reaching out to lift one of the pillows placing it to the outside of the bed before resting his head back on the second pillow. A safety net, Wade thought as he watched Peter place the pillow down.  Wade pulled the cover across him again, his eyes resting on his love who had closed his eyes. Wade knew he wasn’t attempting to fall asleep, he walked across the room pulling off his own jeans and shirt, glancing at his mask on the large chest of drawers; he hadn’t worn it in weeks, it wasn’t important right now. He ran a hand across his face and made his way to the other side of the bed, climbing in next to Peter, who had opened his eyes again and had turned his body softly to Wade. Wade slipped his arm under the younger man’s body and pulled him close. Peter silent as ever pressed his face against the warmth of the older man’s chest.

  
_“I miss your voice”_ Wade whispered as he rubbed his hand softly down Peter’s back. _“I know it’s hard and I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I just need you to say anything”_ he added. _“Helen said you’re doing good in group therapy, you’re going to win an award for the best listener”_ he continued, a soft laugh passing his lips, not mocking Peter at his ability to not speak but at his ability to still engage with the others, he squeezed Peter’s body against his own. _“I know I’ll never understand what happened, I just hope one day you’ll talk about it with me”_ he said, feeling an arm snake along his side and hand resting against his back, and the soft fingertips of the younger man touching his skin.

 

**Present**

  
Three weeks at therapy and Peter had not uttered a word he would observe everyone sitting in the group, Sam and Bucky at either side, They never had a problem talking, Sam had developed a stutter of sorts, he would begin to talk about how he felt when he **“dissolved”** as he often referred to it, _“I can’t say ittt h—urt but”_ he inhaled sharply, _“it felt like I..I..had blacked out.”_ He would always begin but never got to finish as his emotions always overwhelmed him. Sam looking up to Natasha who would place her hand softly on his shoulder to steady him. They had grown close, she had looked after him in those first few weeks, much like Steve had with Bucky, ensuring they had eaten, slept and showered. It had been hard at the start for both Natasha and Steve neither complained they did what needed to be done.

Natasha always sat closer by the group therapy session, just to help ground Sam when he needed it, Steve often sat off in the side-lines too. Wade however didn’t not for the fear of what Peter would say but to allow him to speak it he needed to without the panic of having to discuss it further at home when he may not want to. At least not until he was ready to discuss it with Wade. Wade knew this wouldn’t happen though not today anyway. Peter wasn’t quite there yet. He glanced through the window of the training room which was now replaced with a dozen chairs, he could see the blank expression on Peter’s face while Bucky was talking to the group his lips moving but he was unsure what he was saying due to the door.

 _“How’s he doing?”_ came the voice to his left, _“has he talked yet?”_ the voice added. Wade turned his head to look at older man, shaking his head slightly, _“No, not a word, he wants to I know it he just doesn’t know where to start”_ Wade said. “ _I can’t tell him about May, until he can speak, I need to know his thoughts, how he is feeling”_ he continued. _“I can’t have him bury it…”_ he said. _“he can’t talk, and so he hasn’t requested to see her”_ Wade added. His eyes looking to the man in front of him taking in the crutch in his right hand that he leaned heavily on. _“Wade, I can tell him”_ he said softly. _“Tony, he can’t handle it right now, I have dealt with weeks of silence, how many more weeks will I have to deal with when you tell him this, I don’t like keeping anything from him, but I have to keep this.”_ He replied. Tony nodded his head in understanding, _“I get it Wade I do.”_ He said.

  
Wade knew that it wasn’t fair to keep it from Peter, but he had gotten his baby boy to eat, he had gotten him to finally sleep in their bed again. And after the first disastrous attempt at getting him to shower, he had finally gotten Peter calm enough to at least soak in the bath for 15 minutes, while he washed him. It wasn’t ideal, but it was good enough for Wade for now.

  
_“You both can stay here for a while if you need too”_ Tony said, looking up at Wade. They never had gotten on but after the snap, when Tony finally returned to earth they had put their differences aside for Peter, that had been their focus. Wade raised his eyes to Tony a smile gracing his lips, shaking his head gently, _“ I know Iron dad, but he is doing okay we have a routine”_ he added not wanting to disappoint the older man with his response. Tony nodded, a smile crossing his lips at Wade’s endearment, _“I know, but you know if you ever need to, if you need to let him stay even for a night just for a break, just for you we completely understand, we'll look after him”_ he added. _“I know, but until I can get him to say a yes or a hello, he is stuck with me for now”_ Wade stated, his eyes turning to look back through the smaller window of the door, Peter’s eyes now resting on Strange, his lips moving as he spoke. _“He’ll get there”_ he said in a gentle whisper.

  
Tony nodded his head accepting that Wade knew what he was doing with Peter. Tony remembered that night when Wade had almost burst through the elevator doors when he reached the main floor in the compound.

 

 

**Past**

_“Where is he?”_ Wade gasped as he tried to catch his breath, Cap placing a hand on his chest to steady the merc. _“He’s downstairs he is getting checked over”_ he said, easing the younger man’s fear. Wade pulled a deep breath in and straightened himself up _. “Is he ok?”_ he said his hand pressed against his own chest, his heart felt like it had been trying to tear itself from his body. “ _"as ok as they can be Wade”_ Natasha added softly as she stepped into the room. Wade turned his attention to Natasha, _“You’ve seen him?”_ he asked as stupid as it had sounded he was unsure of the details of the mission. _“Yes. He is downstairs getting checked by Helen, he’s resting Wade I know you are desperate to see him.”_ She added. _“Where did you find?”_ he questioned, turning back to Steve. Steve cleared his throat to speak, _“We found them in a forest on the outskirts of a Wakanda”_ another voice spoke, Wade turned his head suddenly aware that Tony was seated on the couch in the room. He stood up slowly, his face exhausted with dark circles under his eyes; _“they were unconscious”_ he continued.

Placing the crutch to the ground to steady himself; Steve reaching his hand out so slightly to ensure the younger man didn’t fall over. Tony edged forward to Wade; _“he hasn’t said anything Wade”_ he stated, moving slowly towards him. _“He is awake now though?”_ Wade asked, Tony nodded his head; _“he’s awake Wade, he isn’t completely responsive, Helen said he hasn’t uttered a single word since he got here, he’s pushed the food away that’s been offered to him”_ he added. _“They have an IV in, giving him fluids, he has lost a great deal of weight; but the rest are the same too.”_ He said drawing in a deeper breath. _“I think you should go and get some rest and you can see him in the afternoon_ Tony said it wasn’t a request. _“...Stark”_ he added exasperated, _“Ten months”_ he added staring at Tony, _“I know Wade but a few more hours won’t hurt, please”_ he said, reaching up to rest a hand on the merc’s shoulder his tone almost a plea.

  
Wade wasn’t sure if the plea was for Peter or him. He could never be sure. He wasn’t even sure who else had returned, who else was currently being checked over in the med bay and what state of mind they were in. Wade’s mind was exhausted, he glanced at the clock in the corner of the room; **7:45am** , he looked at Tony and Steve again both looked exhausted, not looking for a fight or a debate. Wade scrubbed his hand over his face, _“Okay”_ he admitted with defeat. His shoulder slumped a little lower and he nodded his head turning on his heel.

  
Tony watched Wade walk away his shoulders slumped as he disappeared into the elevator to the sleeping quarters, the elevator door sliding closed behind him, his back to the avengers still. Tony never missed the hitch in his shoulders.

 

 

....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hope you enjoyed_  
>  Leave comments & let me know what you think.  
> Thanks for the Kudos and comments!  
> DM if you are confused! If its linked to the story I won't comment but thoughts an opinions are welcome.  
> No Updates this Weekend!  
> Thank you for reading!  
>  _Edited 16/07/2019 - Corrections_


	3. I'll take that as a yes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A long endless highway, you're silent beside me, Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from, Helplessly praying, the light isn't fadin', Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones_   
>  _10 months after the snap, Wade has waited in the hopes that his baby boy will return, the remaining Avengers believe they can fix it they can set the balance right, unaware of what the consequences could be._   
>  _Wade just wants the silence to be gone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:  
> I don't any of these characters.  
> This originally started as a One Shot, don't know what happened.  
> Wrote this instead of sleeping.  
> The Editing tool is also rude.  
> Any mistakes are my own.

....

**11 Months Ago**

Wade stepped out of the elevator and walked across the hallway, to the room he and Peter had shared many times after a mission. He always waited here on Peter coming back. Stepping inside, the blinds where still drawn closed from the last time they had been here, he made his way to the bed, settling himself down he pulled off his jacket and mask. It had been a while since he had last been here; months to be exact, he’ll always remember the look ashen look on Tony’s face when he had entered the room, the grief so obvious on his features. Peter had gone with him, when Tony had attempted to rescue Strange, and neither of which had returned.

Wade was not entirely stupid, Peter did not return there was no body to bring back he knew what had happened. He had been at St Margaret’s talking to Weasel about the battle in the city, he had watched the events of the next few hours unfold and then he watched half the guys in the bar disappear into thin air.

But before all of this Wade had been unsure of Peter’s location he had watched part of the fight taking place in the city on the television, and as a result had left numerous voicemails to his boyfriend; _“the number you’re calling cannot be reached, please try again later”_ he slammed his phone down on the bar surface completely frustrated with not knowing Peter’s location. _“Easy on the merchandise Wade”_ Weasel said as he pushed the cloth across the wooden bar counter.

 _“When did you last hear from him?”_ he added, turning Wade’s phone face up on the counter. Wade glanced at the time on the screen, _“Around 8am he was getting ready for class, told me he would call later”_ he said. _“Its 12 now and not even a so much as; Hey Wade, I’m alive see you soon”_ he continued. Rubbing his forehead feeling agitated. _“Look if anything has happened to him you know that Tony would be in contact”_ Weasel added. _“Yeah but Tony looks like he just left this planet”_ Wade added gesturing to the news reports playing on the screen, **“Ironman seen leaving the atmosphere”** scrolled across the screen.

Picking up his phone again and dialling out to his boyfriend, _“Hey baby boy, when you get this please call me back”_ he said after the phone went straight to voicemail. Wade dropped the phone back to the counter, throwing his head back and letting out an exasperated breath.

\----

Tony had returned days after the snap, Wade had not been sure of the complete details but he remembered the agonising wait when the remaining avengers gathered at the compound, returning from Wakanda, shell shocked was an understatement, he could remember for the first 48 hours if he had seen any of them eating or even drinking. Cap looked as though he had been running solely on adrenaline, his eyes scanning every news report covering the situation. The world was currently in a state of panic and chaos. Dr Banner had kept himself locked away, Wade was sure the reasons for this where justified. He personally did not want to have to deal with the green guy.

On the third day, the loud thud from outside of the compound, alerted the rest of the team to an unknown ship outside, and that their where two occupants aboard, they had disembarked and made their way to the facility. Steve caught Tony as he made his way out of the elevator. It had been a longtime since they had spoken or see each other, now was not the time to discuss the accords or what had happened back in Siberia, right now just by the look of Tony, Steve was aware he needed medical attention. Calling out for Friday to notify Bruce to meet them at the med bay.

Steve turned his attention to the other occupant, who had half carried Tony into the hallway from the elevator, his eyebrows raised slightly not by the appearance just due to being unfamiliar, _"Steve Rogers"_ he said raising his hand, as the mechanical hand reached for his own _"Nebula"_ she said not adding her relationship to the mad Titan. _"He was stabbed on Titan, he has a few other injuries too, we've been travelling for days to get back here, the ship ran out of food, he has kept the wound sealed but he is in great need of medical attention."_ she continued.

Steve looked to her and nodded in agreement.

Raising Tony's arm slightly placing it over his shoulder careful not to agitate the already injured man, he could see Tony's head hung low and his lids half closing almost trying to stay awake. Nebula reached across to help Steve begin to guide Tony back to the elevator. Steve didn't look as though he was struggling at all with the weight of Tony but she was didn't want to cause any further strain to Tony's injuries. Between them both they made their way to the med bay to meet Dr Banner.

\----

Wade had awoken to Friday alerting the various floors of the compound of the unknown ship that had landed in the grounds of the facility. Notifying them all of that one occupant's leaving the ship was Tony, immediately Wade got out of his bed, pulling on his hoodie, and making his way down to the med bay.

When he finally reached that floor, he stepped from the elevator making his way to the first room, he had not seen Dr Banner or anyone else, on the floor but from the end of the hallway he could see the main office door leaned over slightly light creeping from the gap, and hushed voices talking _"Hows he doing?"_ he heard the voice from Cap speaking, a shadow created as the man passed the door. _"He's suffered blood loss, how he sealed the wound helped to prevent him from bleeding out, he has a mild concussion, and damage to his right leg, multiple bruises, loss of fluids, I've put an IV in, he's awake Steve and he's talking but he looks completely lost.. "_ Bruce said the door slowly being pushed closed from the other side all voices now hushed.

When Wade looked to through the class of the main room in the med bay he saw Tony, he saw what covered his clothing, much of the same dust that had covered his own. _“Tony…”_ Wade said, as he stepped into the med bay, the older man turned his head from the window to look at Wade. _“he was with you, wasn’t he?”_ he asked it wasn't a question he really wanted to know the answer too, as it was easier not knowing.

Before Tony got a chance to speak at first, Wade raised his hand to stop him, _“Wait…please”_ his voice pleaded, _“I know with whatever answer you’re going to give me is going to change everything I need to prepare myself for it.”_ He added, his eyes turning to look at Tony’s. He knew the answer but once it was spoken, he didn’t think he could hold it together. _“Wade, I’m sorry”_ the voice was hoarse like a man who had spent a long time screaming, or yelling.

Wade had no recollection of anything that happened next, he knew he had spoken but was unsure of what words had left his mouth. But he remembered the moment when he came back to the land of the living, he looked around the room that he and Peter shared at the Avengers facility, he looked to his hands they were shaking, and he remembered Tony’s voice saying he was sorry, but he couldn’t remember any more of the conversation. Wade glanced towards the bedside clock it was the early hours of the morning, just having passed 2am.

A soft knock came from the other side of the door, Wade cleared his throat _“come in”_ he said hoarsely he could hear the scratchiness in his voice, had he been crying or screaming? The door pushed open, watching as Tony slowly came in, his body moving slowly towards the chair in the corner of the room, _“Mind if I sit?”_ he asked, Wade shook his head and gestured his hand to the seat. _“How are you doing?”_ Tony asked his eyes scanning over the other man. Wade shrugged his shoulders slightly, _“I’ve had some sort of memory lapse, I don't remember what happened..”_ he said dropping his eyes to the floor. _“It’s been a few hours, Cap got you to come up here, the windows in the med bay don’t look too good but that’s the least of our worries, right?”_ he said.

Tony moved slightly in discomfort, _“I can tell you what happened now?”_ he added. Wade shook his head, _“I don’t think I’m ready, and you look like you could do with some rest, I think we both could. Maybe in a few days”_ Wade said. Tony nodded in agreement. _“Ill give you a few days Wade, when you’re ready just come find me”_ he said softly standing up, and slowly making his way from the room the door easing it shut, Wade lay back on the bed, shut his eyes, sleep will not be happening he knew that for sure.

\----

**Present**

  
Wade opened his eyes feeling the soft breath against his collarbone, he raised his head slightly to look around the dark room, it was still the middle of the night and he feel Peter’s arms still around him his own arms holding Peter close. Wade lifted his arm gently from the younger man and reached across to tuck the covers around him again. Three weeks and finally Peter had fallen asleep in their bed, Wade couldn’t be sure if he was in any sort of deep sleep, but for the moment he was still, that was a plus.

He glanced down to Peter’s face which was pressed again his shoulder, running his hand through the soft brown curls. He eased himself from under him, resting Peter's head back onto the pillow, before getting out of the bed. Wade walked quietly over to the bedroom window, easing it open a little to let a little air into the room, the city still a little eerily too quiet for him.

He knew he was always running warm, Peter these days had been running like a furnace. Moving across the floor he stepped into the bathroom, letting out a soft sigh as he pushed the door open, and pushed the light switch on leaning the door over ever so slightly, he turned the cold water on and reached down to splash some across his face before looking up at the mirror in front of him. _“You look like shit Wilson”_ he whispered, dark circles under his eyes, his skin a little more irritated than usual, he opened the cabinet taking out some cream to rub into his skin.

Wade didn’t like to admit it but in the last three weeks he hadn’t slept much the merc usually could handle anything thrown at him, he had nearly taken Tony up on the offer to watch Peter for a bit. Maybe he had taken him home too soon, maybe he hadn’t given Helen enough time to work with Peter, maybe if he had of waited another week or two.

Peter would be in a better place, he might have been able to speak with Wade now, just like the others. Wade would be able to tell him everything that had happened when he was gone and gotten some form of a response.Wade closed his eyes and his rubbed the cream into his skin as soothing as it was, it also burned slightly the skin feel just a little to raw. Placing lid back the tube he placed it back into the cabinet before he heard the soft cries from outside the door.

Wade turned and pulled the door open the bathroom light, flooding into the bedroom, he looked to the bed were he could see the brown hair peaking from the under the covers, he could see the covers moving ever so slight and the soft cries in the air, _“hey baby boy”_ he said softly reaching the bed and leaning down to pull the cover back, he leaned onto the mattress and running his fingertips along Peter’s cheek. Peter’s eyes open quickly at the touch and he eased himself up in the bed, rubbing at his eyes, when he rested his back against the frame.

Wade gave him the softest of smiles before sitting next to him pressing his back to the frame also, holding his hand out to Peter, he reached out and rested his hand flat against Wade’s palm. _“Let’s see if I can help”_ Wade said as Peter rested his head against his shoulder, _“Tap once for yes, twice for no”_ he added. _“Was this dream about Titan?”_ he asked, Peter tapped his index finger against the palm of Wade’s hand. Wade smiled just a little when he felt the contact, it wasn’t words, but it was something. _“Do you remember what happened there?”_ he asked, another soft tap on his palm.

He nodded his head acknowledging Peter’s response, _“Did it hurt?”_ he added not particularly sure if he wanted to know the answer. A soft tap again, against his palm, Wade let out a soft sigh, it hurt him to know this, he was aware if everything Tony had told him about the battle on Titan. Wade closed his hand around Peter’s palm, _“When you weren’t here I thought I was going to lose my mind”_ he said, letting his head fall to the side and rest against the crown of Peter’s head.

 _“I couldn’t leave the facility for weeks, Tony thought I was gonna go back to my old ways, un-aliving people, if I’m honest I don’t think I would have been able to stop if I had started.”_ He continued, clearing his throat _, “Tony made me stay there for weeks, and by made he had Friday locking the whole place down at night just for fear I would try to leave, and I had to get authorisation from him if I needed to go anywhere, which was rarely ever, I just stayed in our room, most days and nights, and I don’t want to ever feel like that again.”_ He added his voice straining just a little.

 _“They wouldn’t let me help, I was too much of a liability, imagine me being a liability”_ he laughed softly, feeling Peter’s head moving below his cheek, he lifted his head and turned to look at Peter, he had the softest smile on his lips. _“There it is something I have missed”_ he said leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. _“I know its hard right now and I know there is so much you want to tell me, I know you’re scared I know if you start to tell me, you don’t know if you will be able to stop how much its hurting you.”_ Wade whispered softly against his lips, _“But I’m not going anywhere I’m not going to runaway”_ he added, inhaling sharply at his previous thoughts of shipping Peter to the avengers until he could cope, causing a twinge of guilt.

Peter’s eyes met his and he felt the smaller man wrap his arms around his neck as he sat up onto his knees feeling Peter burying his face into his neck, his hand immediately reaching around to rub his hand softly along Peter’s neck. _“Let’s get a little rest and we can try again tomorrow”_ he said, _“We can have pancakes for breakfast and even try a walk somewhere that isn’t around the Avengers facility.”_ He said pulling back to look at the younger man, whose eyes meet his own, a soft tap against his hand. _“Ill take that as a yes”_ he smiled, shuffling down under the covers, he didn’t bother turn the bathroom light out.

He pulled the younger man against his body, pulling the covers around them both, the breeze still coming through the window. It seemed almost strange to have the covers across them both, but this was more a safety net for them both, not just a safety net for Peter.

....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos keep me going! :)  
> I hope everyone is enjoying & I also hope you aren't confused as we go back and forth between past and present!  
> Wrote this instead of sleeping! Sorry for any mistakes


	4. Will you let me look after you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A long endless highway, you're silent beside me, Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from, Helplessly praying, the light isn't fadin', Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones_  
>  10 months after the snap, Wade has waited in the hopes that his baby boy will return, the remaining Avengers believe they can fix it they can set the balance right, unaware of what the consequences could be.  
> Wade just wants the silence to be gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:  
> I don't any of these characters.  
> This originally started as a One Shot, don't know what happened.  
> Wrote this instead of sleeping.  
> The Editing tool is also rude.  
> Any mistakes are my own.
> 
> Sorry for the long wait, something light. Hope its okay?  
> Any problems - message me! :-)

....

Wade woke as a chill from the open window blew through the room, the soft white curtain moving slightly and letting the light into the room, the light from the bathroom still on from a few hours earlier, he turned his head to look at the nightstand, the red numbers lighting up from the alarm clock, **11.35**. Wade reached up and scrubbed his hand across his face, turning to look at Peter who was still asleep.

Wade had never felt as much relief to see Peter actually resting, the purple circles still there under his eyes from the last few weeks of restlessness and over all lack of any sleep. Curled on his side but his body pressed against Wade’s chest. _“Hey sweetheart”_ he whispered softly against is ear, his hand reaching out to rub the top of Peter’s shoulder, it felt like a sin to wake the sleeping man. Wade wanted them to have a normal day to have breakfast, get dressed, go for a walk some sort of normalcy.

Peter shifted at the touch, his eyes opening as he turned his head back to look at Wade, sleep still filling his eyes. _“Hey”_ Wade said softly again now that Peter was awake, _“shall we get up for breakfast, I’m gonna make pancakes your favourite, you can have strawberries on them too”_ he added. The softest smile graced Peter’s lips, as Wade began to climb out of the bed, making his way to the drawers at the far side of the room, grabbing sweatpants and a t shirt, that he began to pull on.

Making his way back across to the window and pulling it shut, _“just a slight chill in the room now”_ he said turning back to Peter who had finally sat up and was getting out of the bed, his hands scrubbing down his tired face. Wade watched him as he got up from the bed and made his way to the bathroom, stopping just short of the doorway near Wade before leaning up to give him a soft kiss to his lips, then continuing towards the bathroom the door closing shut behind him, the light disappearing from the room. Progress. Wade thought to himself his hand fingertips touching his lips where Peter had just kissed him, he smiled, shaking his head after the door had closed.

Wade made his way from their room to the kitchen, thankful that he had cleaned up last night, leaving no mess for the morning, in the last few months taking good care of their apartment, the place was thoroughly clean, even hanging new curtains in every room and he had scrubbed every inch of each room and painted them too. Wade had become very domestic when Peter had been gone, he had longed to hear the shorter man complain that they needed to decorate and make the place more homely for them. Peter had always wanted a large blanket for over their couch, Wade had always rolled his eyes but now along the back of the couch lay the softest blanket that Wade could have found.

The last few weeks spent in the armchair the same throw he had draped around Peter, in all his attempts to get him to sleep and finally Peter had done what Wade thought wouldn’t happen for a few more months. Wade turned his head when he heard the soft footsteps on the wooden floor, turning his head to see Peter had pulled on a hoodie, _“you cold?_ ” asked raising his eyebrow slightly, Peter nodded his head. Wade walked across the room and pressed a hand to Peter’s forehead, “Yeah, you’re definitely not as warm as earlier” he added, Peter’s eyes closed at the touch of Wade’s hand against his forehead. _"Ill try not to keep the window open as long but you were as warm as a furnace."_ taking his hand away and walking across the room.

 _“You take a seat up here”_ he said turning on his heel to pat the stool next to their breakfast bar. The kitchen had a breakfast bar, but no requirements for a table since there was only the two of them, and very rare if ever a third person over. Aunt May only ever insisted that they come to hers for lunch or dinner, she had only ever came to the apartment for a coffee or to leave leftovers off when she cooked too much.

Peter gently helped himself up onto the stool, resting his arms on the counter, as Wade had began to pull ingredient from the cupboard and fridge, to begin making breakfast. After mixing the batter for pancakes, Wade carefully poured the mixture into the pan, allowing them to begin cooking.

 _“Wade”_ the softest of voices said, Wade stopped what he was doing and turned his head to Peter, _“Did you just say my name?”_ he asked his voice catching in his throat, knowing that it was Peter’s voice he had heard but just didn’t want to think he had imagined it, Peter nodded his head softly, Wade making his way to the other stool, and sitting on the edge reaching over to his love. _“What is it baby?”_ he asked holding his hands out for Peter to take.

Peter had turned on the stool to face Wade, _“thank you”_ he said, his voice sounding raspy and strained, which was to be expected between the last few weeks of not speaking and the screams and crying from his nightmares, it was finally so good to hear Peter’s voice again. _“you don’t need to thank me that’s what I’m here for to look after you.”_ Wade said, feeling Peter’s hands now resting on his, _“for being patient”_ Peter stated, _“and everything else”_ he added, _“I know it wasn’t easy.”_ he continued, tears rolling down his cheeks. _“It’s nothing you wouldn’t have done for me.”_   Wade said softly, his hand reaching up to brush the tears from Peter’s cheeks.

 _“I'm just so glad to hear you’re voice again, I thought I was going to go crazy”_ he added, _“Didn’t think I would hear it again so soon”_ he said softly. _“How you doing?”_ he said, his eyes scanning over Peter’s face. Peter raised his head to look at Wade, pressing his teeth into his lower lip, _“I’m not really sure”_ he said shrugging his shoulders a little, _“I feel empty, I can’t remember much and the nightmares don’t really help to piece anything together”_ he continued. Wade ran his hand along Peter’s arms, _“You don’t have to talk about it right now, anything that you do remember, but just know when you need to or you want to you can tell me anything and I will listen and help as best I can”_ Wade said, standing up quickly when he could smell burning. _“Crap!”_ he said loudly, _“way to ruin the moment, huh Wilson”_ he said to himself, walking quickly to flip the burnt Pancakes in the pan, _“Sorry baby”_ he said giving Peter a half smile.Peter shrugged his shoulder slightly; _"I'm don't feel that hungry."_  

 _“ And it’s okay, I know you’re always here”_ he said softly, _“I like what you’ve done with the place”_ he added. Wade’s smile grew a little wider happy to hear his baby boy talking again but also happy to hear how happy he was with the improvements too. Peter stepped down from the stool and made his way across the kitchen to Wade, wrapping his arms around Wade and closing his eyes as he rested his cheek against Wade’s chest. _“I love you”_ he mumbled against the soft cotton t-shirt, lifting his head, _“how have you been doing?”_ he asked. Wade wrapped his arms around Peter, _“I’ve been a little lost”_ he said leaning down to kiss Peter’s head.

 _"This last year or so I thought I was going to lose it"_ he said into the crown of Peter's head, _"I didn't know if I would ever see you again, it felt like that was it, I would never hold you or kiss you again. I'd never hear you laugh or shout at me for doing something silly. I didn't even get to say goodbye."_ he added the words spilling from him, raising his hand to wipe at his eyes. Clearing his throat he continued _"Let's go out for breakfast looks like this one is a disaster, I know you said you aren't hungry, but gotta get some meat on those bones"_ he smiled down at Peter. _"we can talk then I can fill you in on what has happened, and you can tell me anything you need to."_   Wade continued not wanting to push Peter, he would talk in his own time. Wade knew that it would be hard to get Peter to talk if he was forced that was just how he was. He didn't want to bring him to the compound or let the others know just yet he didn't want them to bombard him with questions, with answers he wasn't ready to give. 

" _How about we get dressed, grab breakfast and then later I can run you a bath and you can relax for a while, you think you'll be up for that?"_ Wade asked brushing his fingers through Peter's curls, Peter nodded his head against his chest. _"Will you let me look after you?"_ Peter asked mumbling against his chest, Wade closed his eyes when he felt the younger man's fingertips gently touching the raw skin on his face, a soft hiss escaping his lips, Wade hummed softly in agreement against the side of Peter's head. He was glad to have Peter back he was so happy to hear him talking and he wanted to savoury these moments before telling the rest of the Avengers. Tony was going to bring his world crashing down, he just needed to have another few days of grace with Peter for both their sake. 

....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos keep me going! :)  
> I hope everyone is enjoying & I also hope you aren't confused as we go back and forth between past and present!  
> Wrote this instead of sleeping! Sorry for any mistakes


	5. I don't hide anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A long endless highway, you're silent beside me, Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from, Helplessly praying, the light isn't fadin', Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones_  
>  10 months after the snap, Wade has waited in the hopes that his baby boy will return, the remaining Avengers believe they can fix it they can set the balance right, unaware of what the consequences could be.  
> Wade just wants the silence to be gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:  
> I don't any of these characters.  
> This originally started as a One Shot, don't know what happened.  
> \- Clarification - Peter is in college instead of school.  
> A shorter chapter!  
> Wade & Peter are so my focus!  
> Hope yous enjoy.

....

Peter smiled softly at Wade as he swung back on his chair as he ate the blueberry pancakes in front of him, Peter twirled his fork around the soft surface of his own pancake, taking a bite here and there. Every now and then he would dip the sliced strawberries into the cream piled on top. Wade eyed him closely, _“The guys at the bar they disappeared right in front of me”_ Wade spoke his eyes darting to the waitress who had came back to the table to refill the coffee mugs. _“Everything good here fellas? Can I get you anything else?” she asked finishing pouring the coffee, “Nah we are good I think..”_ Wade said his eyes resting back to Peter who just nodded in agreement.

The waitress nodded her head stepping away, Peter leaned forward in his chair now towards Wade, his hand setting down the fork _“What did you do?”_ he asked, his hands reaching out to seek the warmth of the mug, his fingers wrapping around the ceramic tightly. _“At first I thought I had was crazy, which isn’t possible I already am, the dust had filled the bar. St Margaret’s was packed from that morning right through till late in the evening, after the attack all the regulars had all gathered there, probably in search of some sort of answers, most deciding what to do next, we are Mercs we aren’t cut out for the superhero gig.”_ Wade said lifting his coffee mug and taking a large drink from it.

 _“I remember when it happened thinking something had exploded, dust everywhere and this horrible smell, it was like a burning, but like flesh, reminds me of my own incident really. But out of everyone there that evening there was 3 left. Peter you’ve been in St Margaret’s you know how packed that place can be.”_ He said looking at the younger man, feeling a slight weight being lifted from his shoulders at finally being able to tell his own events of the snap. _“Wade, was Weasel one of them?”_ Peter asked looking up into his boyfriend’s eyes, Wade shook his head, dropping his shoulders, _“No, he passed me a drink and gone just like that.”_ he swallowed sharply.

Peter reached his cool hands across the table and rested one gently on Wade’s, _“What happened next?”_ he asked, his teeth pressing into his lower lip. _“I panicked I picked up my phone and I tried to call you again for what felt like the hundredth time, I went outside the air was thick it had a fog, which isn’t always surprising for New York but there where people running and crying, and the more I wandered through the streets the more apparent things became, it hadn’t just happened at the bar. The ground was covered in what looked like dust, I know now that it wasn’t just dust covering my suit, everyone I walked passed, everywhere covered. I looked for Iron dad’s phone number if anything he would know where you were he would have kept you…” Wade paused for a second taking a deep breath, “he would of kept you safe.”_ He added his eyes falling to look at the content of the mug, shaking his head, a tear falling onto the table. His hand quickly reaching out to wipe it from the surface.

Peter reached across to brush his finger under Wade’s eye, before running his hand across the older man’s jaw, his fingers touching the raw skin again. Wade tapped his fingers against the side of the mug he had been holding, _“Nothing scares me Peter, nothing but that day, I couldn’t live something like that again, sheer chaos”_ Peter looked at Wade’s eyes seeing the dark circles now, he looked older, his skin was always agitated but Peter would always have taken care of it for him. But now he could see the man hadn’t really taken much time to look after his scarred skin in the last year, he could see how worn down he looked. _“Tony, did keep me safe, he just didn’t have a choice in who went after the snap.”_ Peter said looking at his boyfriend who looked at those his mind hadn’t settled in months.

Peter couldn’t blame him of course, they spent nearly every minute together when Peter had had college or work to catch up on, they spent most of their evenings talking about their future, when Peter would go out as Spider-Man, Wade always watching close by for when he needed help or just someone to wait for him with tacos, before they would return home for the night. Peter knew that he wouldn’t have disclosed any of his feelings to the Avengers, it had been hard enough getting Wade to open up at the start of their relationship, for a man who always had a lot to say he was a closed book on many different levels.

Wade eyed Peter’s plate. _“You gonna finish those?”_ he asked, at the full plate that had just a little more than a mouthful eaten, but all the strawberries gone. _“Get them to go, I can eat them later”_ he said, _“let’s go home, and then I can finally look at your skin Wilson, you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”_ he added, a smile crossing his lips. Wade rolled his eyes, _“I have I just had other things on my mind”_ he said shaking his head and squeezing Peter’s hand. _“Yeah but you can’t look after me if you aren’t looking after yourself.”_ Peter added, getting up from the seat to go find the waitress.

Wade watched him walk away a sigh escaping his lips, he had missed him so much and just hearing him talk and engage with him was progress. But he still hadn't and by the looks of it wasn’t talking about anything that had happened, Wade hadn’t missed how he picked at the food or he had sought warmth from the mug. Wade was shaking from his thoughts as he heard Peter’s voice again, _“Sorry, what did you say?”_ he asked looking up at him as Peter began to put the pancakes in the takeaway box, _“I said let’s go, maybe stop at the compound later.”_ He said, Wade shook his head a little; _“Not just yet, let me have you for another while”_ he said, standing up and lifting the box from the table, setting some cash under the salt shaker. His hand reaching out to take Peter’s, _“You’re gonna tell me the rest right?”_ he asked as they made their way out into the street, “Of course” Wade nodded his hand lacing through Peter’s, _“I don’t hide anything”_ he said softly, as they made their way down the street back towards their apartment block.

....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos keep me going! :) Thank you so much for the ones I have received so far!  
> Wrote this instead of sleeping! Sorry for any mistakes


	6. “When can I see May?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _10 months after the snap, Wade has waited in the hopes that his baby boy will return, the remaining Avengers believe they can fix it they can set the balance right, unaware of what the consequences could be. Wade just wants the silence to be gone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:  
> I don't any of these characters.  
> This originally started as a One Shot, don't know what happened.  
> \- Clarification - Peter is in college instead of school.  
> Wade & Peter are so my focus!  
> Apologies for the delay, life got in the way will update when I can!  
> Not compliant with Endgame - but just if any happen to sneak in the tag is there.  
> Hope yous enjoy.

....

The lock clicked on the door and Wade pushed it open, throwing the keys down on the small table next to it. Peter following close behind into the apartment the box of food clasped in his hand as he pushed passed Wade into the kitchen, setting the box on the counter. Peter made his way to the their bedroom to the bathroom to find what he was looking for.

Rolling the sleeves up on the hoodie he reached across to lift the cream from the bathroom cabinet closing the door, and turning to make his way out of the bedroom, _“Are you ready?”_ he called out into the living room, _“Yeah I’m just waiting”_ Wade called back to him. Walking out of the bedroom climbing across the arm of their couch, Peter settled himself down sitting crossed legged, Wade leaned his head back against Peter’s legs from were he sat on the floor, _“Ok so, where were we?”_ Peter asked as he looked down at his boyfriend and unscrewed the cap of cream squeezing it onto his fingers. _“Well I had left St Margaret’s made my way through the city and made my way to the avengers’ facility, people where confused and completely dazed they didn't understand what had happened._

__

_There was no point in trying to grab a cab the place was at a complete standstill”_ Wade added, closing his eyes as Peter pressed his fingertips across the skin on his forehead. Wade relaxed into Peter’s touch the coolness of the cream soothing his inflamed skin. _“I got to upstate New York, long trip but nobody except Pepper was there, she let me in and told me what had happened with Tony, he hadn’t returned, she told me the rest of the avengers had taken off to Wakanda and hadn’t returned either.”_ He continued opening his eyes to stare up at Peter, _“We didn’t know who was going to come back, 24 hours past no signs of anyone returning, the TV had no updates the signal, it was completely gone.”_ Wade added folding his arms across his chest.

 _“And then mid-morning I was drinking what seemed like my 10 th cup of coffee and the Quinjet appeared on landing pad, a few minutes later, everyone got off, and the look on each and every one of their faces told me all I needed to know, Happy ran across the grounds to meet them.”_ Wade closed his eyes taking in Peter’s touch. _“Steve, he was who I spoke with first, he knew Tony was gone, well we thought he was gone, it was a few days before he showed up, but that’s a whole other turn of events. Steve looked exhausted most days, spread thin, I’ve never seen Cap look like that. He didn’t talk about what had happened in Wakanda, neither did anyone else, a lot of whispered discussions in the kitchen over breakfast, lunch and dinner but they didn’t really want to talk about it out loud. I don’t believe they fully understood what had happened. Steve finally came to me and discussed what had happened in Wakanda. He was scared his voice said it all the fear of what Thanos had done what he was capable of the sheer scale of his destruction, he wiped out half the planet and they were all at an absolute loss on how to fix it._ Wade said his voice breaking just a little before he cleared his throat to continue.

 _“When Tony arrived back he looked done for, he got of that ship with  Thanos’ daughter Nebula, with what little tools they had they were able to get back to earth, we met them on the grounds of the compound, Steve and Rhodey help Tony inside got him the medical attention he needed and then I went to speak with him._ ” He trailed off remembering what he could of that conversation. _“And that was basically what happened when everyone returned, the next few weeks there where a lot of board meetings on what would happen next or how they would get everyone back if I’m honest I wasn’t allowed to leave so I had no choice to go but I sat at the back of a lot of these meetings and nobody had any idea on what they were going to do next.”_ Opening his eyes again to look at Peter, _“What did Tony tell you?”_ Peter asked he hadn’t missed Wade jumping over a few details, Wade shrugged his shoulders slightly, _“I remember Tony telling me he was sorry, the rest became a blurry but he filled in the blanks, he told me what happened on Titan, he told me how you disappeared just like everyone else, and he told me it took a lot longer for you to do that.”_ he said the last bit coming out more like a whisper. _“And then if memory services me correctly I don’t remember what happened next, but he told me a few days later”_ he added his eyes glazed with tears and exhaustion.

 _“I wrecked the med bay threw a table a chair, I was an idiot, broke some windows.”_ He sighing deeply. _“And Tony didn’t even send me the bill”_ Peter looked down at his boyfriend placing his hands-on Wade’s shoulders and squeezing them tightly to give some reassurance to him, he wasn’t sure if it was just for himself more than anything. _“Did it hurt?”_ Wade’s asked _“Did the snap hurt?”_ Peter nodded his head staring down at Wade his fingers reaching up to smooth the creases on his forehead, _“It hurt, it was like being pulled apart from limb to limb, something I’ve never experienced but what I can only imagine how that pain would feel”_ his reply came quietly. _“I’m sorry baby”_ Wade’s voice stated softly, _“I wish you never had to experience that.”_ Remembering from his experiences on one mission where he had been pulled apart by metal chains, took days before he was any semblance of himself. Peter shook his head slightly, _"It's not your fault."_ he said his voice sharp, not wanting to discuss any further. The silence lingered a little in the air and Wade knew not to continue. 

Wade drifted off as he began to fall asleep to Peter’s gentle fingertips on his skin. Peter glanced down at Wade’s face as his breathing evened out and the creases on his face relax. _“Wade?”_ he whispered softly leaning next to his ear, repeating Wade’s name again, who’s eyes opened looking slightly confused, _“Sorry baby, this is just too relaxing”_ he said, a smile crossing his lips. _“It’s ok, did you get much sleep last night?”_ Peter asked, removing his hands from Wade's face.

Wade nodded his head, _“I got a few hours”_ sitting up from his current position on the floor and stretching out, he turned his frame to look at Peter, _“Do you think you’ll ever be ready to talk about what happened?_ Wade asked him hoping he wasn’t pushing it. Peter swallowed sharply, _“I don’t know Wade, I don’t remember much of what happened.”_ He said his eyes resting on the threads on the sleeve of Wade’s hoodie. Wade reached up to take his hands in his own, feeling the soft chill from the flesh, _“you always this cold?”_ Wade asked, one hand reaching across to raise Peter’s chin to look at him, _“Not all the time”_ Peter replied squeezing Wade’s hand that still had a soft grip on his own.

Peter wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about before the snap or after the snap. He knew he could keep it buried and wouldn’t have to face it the others were getting on fine, he had to do the same, at least that’s how it appeared from the outside, he knew they all had their own battles. He wasn’t even sure he could put on his old suit without the fear that built up inside every night as he closed his eyes, or the fear of getting in to the shower, no matter the temperature his skin either burned or he it felt like ice he couldn’t win, the simplest of activities had become problems he feared disclosing them with Wade. He couldn’t save himself how was he expected to keep others safe, people who don’t have abilities, normal everyday people.

He hated eating everything tasted like ash or food that had been left in the oven too long and had completely smouldered. The strawberries at breakfast were alright but it was mostly texture, no sweetness but not bitter either. He couldn’t stomach another bit of breakfast when he thinks about it, he didn’t particularly enjoy trying to force dinner down the last few weeks, but he could always see the worry in Wade’s face and the concern in his voice, he really was only doing it for him. His boyfriend looked wiped, and it wasn’t something Wade would admit too. He knew his own clothes were looser on his frame now, so he wore what he could of Wade’s to hide the fact. With his metabolism he knew it wasn’t good that he couldn’t stomach anything but he didn’t require it at the moment he wasn’t out playing the hero.

Peter blinked quickly hearing a voice speaking with him, _“…you still with me?”_ the voice asked, Peter turned his head realising that Wade was now sitting next to him on their couch. Peter blinked again slightly confused, realising how lost in his thoughts he had gotten, _“Yeah sorry I was just thinking about some stuff…”_ he lied. _“Bucky and Sam, how did they get passed it all so quickly?”_ he asked without thinking what his question was implying. Wade eyed him cautiously, he knew Peter wasn’t ready to openly discuss things with him, but he knew they had to start somewhere, even if this was it. It hadn’t even been 24 hours since he had heard Peter’s sweet voice, he hadn’t asked about May and he hadn’t asked again about going to the compound.

 _“I haven’t spoken with them long enough to know how they are getting on Pete”_ he answered, _“they go to the counselling sessions just like you, you hear everything they have to say or what they have been thinking about...”_ Wade added. Peter turned to look at Wade shaking his head slightly _“I don’t always feel like I’m there...”_ Peter began, _“sometimes I can just hear the mumble of their voices almost like I’m stuck inside a box or a room. I don’t hear what they say…”_ he added turning his head back to look at Wade.

Wade eyes raised to meet Peter’s a slight understanding now the blank expression that Peter had always held in the group sessions, Peter’s mind had not been present it had wandered off and thought of other things, he most likely wasn’t able to recall a lot of the discussion he had been at for those first few weeks.

 _“Not a thing?”_ Wade asked, wanting to know for certain, he could at least make Cho and Tony aware, maybe it would be best if he had a few individual sessions.  Peter shook his head, _“Nothing”_ he yawned, raising his eyes to catch the time on the  clock, just after 1pm, he felt exhausted and he hadn’t made it through the day yet, he didn’t want Wade to know he was exhausted though. _“Can we go to the compound?”_ he asked, _“How about we watch some TV and maybe head to the compound later.”_ Wade replied sitting back against the couch, his hand rubbing Peter’s back gently. He didn’t want to keep Peter cooped up he just wanted to give him some time before Tony and Cap started to bombard him with questions which he knew they would do, not on purpose of course.

 _“We can do that, but you can’t keep me locked away for ever”_ Peter replied relaxing back into the couch and snuggling up close to Wade’s side, Wade laughed slightly that’s how Peter was seeing it, _“Well how about I wrap you in cotton wool first”_ he added softly. _“We’ve been out today, I’m not keeping you locked away just want you to have some well-earned rest and relaxation before the avengers decide its time for you to go back out into the field”_ Wade replied softly not missing how still Peter became at his words. _“Ill not let them send you out until you’re ready, even if I have to fight Cap for you.”_ Wade added raising his arm to put around Peter and holding him tightly. Peter smiled, and turned his attention to the tv, Wade began to flick through the channels to find something to occupy their minds.

 ---

Peter crawled into the bed, his body and mind were exhausted, today had been taxing it had taken a lot to interact with Wade, nothing personal just with everything he had to discuss and how he had tried to keep his grip on reality. He knew there was a lot that he had gotten to ask about or to talk about with Wade, he was hoping tomorrow they could go to the compound, at least then he would finally get to see Tony. He made a mental note to ask Wade to take him to May’s he had been confused why it wasn’t the first place he had thought of going. But he understood that his mind had spent so many months playing all sorts of tricks on him. He had watched her die hundreds of different ways, each time getting so close to saving her and losing her in the last seconds. He pulled the duvet over him and turned his head to watch the door, he had left in ajar the light from the living room streaming through the small gap. Hearing the TV and Wade’s soft laugh as he watched it, eventually falling into a light sleep.

 

\---

Wade got up from the couch scrubbing his hand across his face, leaning over to shut the TV off. It was a lot later than he had realised, he made his way to the kitchen grabbing a glass from the cupboard then reaching across to turn the tap on he stared out the window of their kitchen across the dark New York Sky, even after those who had vanished had returned their was still a staleness to the atmosphere. Raising the cold water to his lips he drank it back greedily, placing the empty glass into the sink and beginning to clean up the remains of dinner, shaking his head slightly when he food Peter’s food barely touched. His hand also finding the container from breakfast that morning, the pancakes cold now and not worth even trying to safe for morning. He dropped all the food into the bin, he didn’t want to go to the compound just, yet he wanted to see if he could get Peter to talk about what happened a little more, to eat food and laugh again with him. He knew it was never going to be that easy, but he thought he had half the battle so far and now it looked as though they were at the bottom of the hill again and this time it looked a lot steeper to climb. Wade didn’t want to admit it though.

\--

Wade quietly got into bed next to Peter it was finally good to see him going to bed without him as an aide. He knew by the creases on his face that it wasn’t a peaceful sleep at all and he doubted that Peter’s mind was even resting. But he couldn’t make him talk about it until he was ready. His hand arm reaching across to pull him close to his chest, feeling the younger man roll to his side, his arm wrapping around the older man resting a hand on Wade’s back. Wade shivered when he felt the coldness of his hand through the t shirt he wore. _“Gotta get some meat back on those bones”_ he whispered softly in the dark of the room. This was also a bonus Peter had gone to bed with the room in some darkness he hadn’t missed how the door had been left open just a little. He felt the younger man’s hands gripping at the back of his t shirt, Wade leaned forward to press his lips to Peter’s forehead to sooth him, a soft shush leaving his lips when he did.

Peter opened his eyes and raised his head to look at Wade, _“Sorry...”_ he whispered to the older man. _“It’s OK? Do you want to talk about it?”_ Wade asked he felt like he had spent so much time wishing for Peter to talk to him and so much time requesting that he speak about it. _“I just keep feeling like I’m still there Wade, I fall asleep and when I wake my mind is convinced that I never really left, I was alone, and when I fell asleep I would dream about you, May and Tony”_ he said beginning to open up a little the darkness of the room helped he wouldn’t  be able to see the reaction on Wade’s face, Wade shift a little in the bed seeing the silhouette of Peter looking at him. 

_“Some day’s where worse than others, I say days but there was no real concept of time, but I realise now how long it was. Some days I felt like I was back here, and we were doing everything we usually do, you are watching TV, me completing my essays or studying, it would feel so real and then as soon as I felt comfortable or settled, it would change and I would be in a box in the dark, it felt like a coffin or a dark room, a small space. They were never all the same, they always changed and when I thought they couldn’t get any worse they did, they always did. It wasn’t my reality it never was it was warped, my head feels like cotton most days, I don’t know how to tell if I’m here. I can’t get a grip on this Wade, and I’m really trying to be brave about all this, but I don’t know how much longer I can. I haven’t seen May yet and it scares me I would dream she would be in danger and before I could save her something would always happen, and I would fail. And I’m only here with you and nobody else and I’m scared this is all in my mind.”_ He added his body shaking a little as he spoke, Wade pressed his lips together, feeling the vibrations of Peter’s body against his, Wade knew now why Peter couldn’t talk about it he could feel the anxiety and fear rolling off him as he spoke.

 _“I promise you Peter you are here, and you are completely safe. Remember you were out today we had breakfast you saw other people the waitress in the cafe, the people we passed in the street, they are all feeling the effects of the snap, maybe not how you do but they get it.”_ He said reassuring him that no harm could come to him now.

 _“Give me your hand”_ he asked reaching out as Peter reached out to him, Wade grasped the cold fingers in his own, _“You feel how warm my hands are you know that I run hot, hotter than most,”_ Wade placed Peter’s hand flat against his own chest _, “and that’s my heart you can feel it beating, you feel that quick flutter when I think how much I love you.”_ He added, _“It may not be enough, to help you right now but I promise Pete, I will help you get better I will take care of you.”_

 

 _“When can I see May?”_ he whispered softly his hand gripping tightly to the t shirt near Wade's heart. Wade’s hand stiffened against Peter’s hand resting on his chest, the silence in the room didn’t help and the darkness made it feel a lot heavier.

....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos keep me going! :) Thank you so much for the ones I have received so far!  
> Sorry for any mistakes! Any issues please message me!  
> x


	7. “I don’t know if that will help.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _10 months after the snap, Wade has waited in the hopes that his baby boy will return, the remaining Avengers believe they can fix it they can set the balance right, unaware of what the consequences could be. Wade just wants the silence to be gone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:  
> I don't any of these characters.  
> This originally started as a One Shot, don't know what happened.  
> \- Clarification - Peter is in college instead of school.  
> Wade & Peter are so my focus!  
> Not compliant with Endgame - but just if any happen to sneak in the tag is there.  
> Hope yous enjoy! 
> 
> I really should have been asleep! Sorry for how short this chapter is!

Wade knocked softly on the bathroom door, his phone gripped tightly in his hand, _“Baby, Tony is coming he is on his way I just need you to come out here, I need to see how you’re doing”_ he said softly, hoping that he would some how get through to Peter, who had not spent the last 15 minutes locked in the bathroom. It was the middle of the night and Wade had to contact Tony with the hope that he could calm Peter down. He had no other choice when Peter had jumped up from the bed and made his way to the bathroom and locking the door after Wade had given him the answer to his question. That same question that had made the air in their bedroom almost suffocating.  


Wade could hear the wheezed breaths from the other side of the door, _“Please Peter, please come out, let me hold you, at least until Tony is here and you can go back to the compound with him if you need to if it’s what you need.”_ Wade whispered. Wade was panicking he didn’t want to be the one to tell Peter and he never should have had to, he should have taken him to the compound like he had asked. His mind began to think of all the ways he could have avoided this current situation, guilt eating at him, “ _I should have told you sooner, I should have made you aware, I am so sorry, I just need you to please come out or at least let me in?”_ Wade asked, guilt making him feel anxious and nervous. As much as he was trying to remain calm on the other side of the door, hearing the soft click of the lock.  


Wade glanced up relieved, turning the handle, pushing the door open to find Pete returning to his knees on the cold ground his face red with and tear stained, he leaned down before kneeling next to him, scooping him gently into his arms, _“I’m so sorry”_ he whispered into Peter’s ear his fingers threading through the hair at the nape of his neck. _“Tony wanted to be the one to tell you and I’m sorry it had to be me.”_ He added rocking Peter against his chest, feeling the shakes and sobs of the younger man. _“She suffered, didn’t she?”_ he asked his breath coming out in a slight rasp from crying so hard. _“I don’t know Pete I’m not really too sure of all the details.”_ Wade said leaning back, reaching out to raise Peter’s head to look at him, Peter looked at him tears clinging to his long lashes. Wade swiped his thumb under Peter’s right eye, _“She didn’t go like everyone else, her's was an accident”_ his voice quivered as he began to sob again, Wade pulled him against him again as Peter began to cry harder, his body shaking with each sob.  


_“Wade?”_ a voice called out from the other room, making Wade jump a little forgetting that Tony has a key to the apartment. _“In here...”_ Wade called back hearing more than one set of foot steps walking through the apartment and the tap of Tony’s crutch against the pine floor. Wade was unsure of who Tony had brought with him, either way it meant Peter wouldn’t be returning to their bed tonight. Tony had slipped into the room his crutch still in hand as he stepped into the bathroom to see both men huddled on the floor taking in the sight in front of him. _“What happened?”_ he asked making his way into the room and kneeling as best he could on the bathroom tiles. _“He asked about May and I told him”_ Wade added pulling back from Peter’s sobbing form and looking at Tony who nodded his head in understanding. Wade took it as a que to leave the room to let Tony speak with Peter.  


Wade leaned across to give Peter a gentle kiss on his forehead, _"I’ll be right out here if you need me”_ he whispered, getting to his feet and making his way out of the bathroom and their bedroom. Meeting Cap in the living room. _“You okay?”_ Steve asked looking as though he had just woken up, Wade swallowed sharply dragging his fingers through his hair, _“I should of contacted you all today, he started talking this morning I thought I had more time before he would ask, I was an idiot”_ he said sharply, brushing passed Steve to make his way to the kitchen, _“Wilson, you’re not an idiot, we don’t know how they are gonna act one day to the next, we just have to do what we can to help them.”_ He said following Wade into the kitchen, as he stood by the sink looking out the window into the darkness the sky was unchanged from when he had looked at all but an hour previous. _“I bet you don’t have these problems though, Cap?”_ Wade asked.

 _“Did she suffer?”_ Peter’s voice was almost to quiet, his eyes looking up at Tony, who had his back now rested against the bath a hand gently running up and down Peter’s back, hoping to sooth him, his body was still shaking and hiccuping. “The apartment block burned down Pete, when I came back to earth and I had to tell her about what happened to you.” his voice trailed off. _“So, she could still be out there you don’t know if that’s what really happened to her?”_ he asked his voice was almost a plea to Tony, turning to look at him. Tony’s heart broke taking in the tear stained face and red rimmed eyes of the younger man in front of him, he was still a kid, still his kid, even now.  


Tony didn’t want to break his heart anymore than it already had been, _“No Pete, she wasn’t dusted, they found her body, her death was an accident because of the snap.”_ His hand stopping on the younger man’s back, feeling the sharp intakes of breath vibrating against his hand, Peter began to sob harder again, _“I knew I couldn’t save her I knew it wasn’t it my head”_ he wheezed. His breathing speeding up as he spoke, _“Pete, I need you to calm down I need you to try and concentrate, you’re gonna have a panic attack”_ Tony stated his hand rubbing at Peter’s back again. _“I ca..ann’t”_ the sobs became louder. _“Are you sure you just haven’t found her yet?”_ he said his voice coming out harsh, _“You just haven’t looked hard enough for her, you didn’t find me on Titan!”_ he said through gritted teeth.

 _“You need to look again please look again.”_ He begged, his voice raising a little, as he turned on his knees to look at Tony, _“you need to look again.”_ Tony shook his head _“Pete we can’t look there isn’t anything to look for, we found her”_ he stated sharper than he would have liked it too. Peter leaned forward sobs wrecking his body again, _“I didn't get to say goodbye to her, I didn’t get to tell her how much I loved her”_ he whispered into his sleeve, _“she knew Pete, she knew”_ Tony added gently his hand reaching out to rest gently on the crown of Peter’s head his fingers massaging softly at his scalp, offering some comfort. _“Do you want to come back to the compound, get some rest, we can give you something to help you rest Pete?”_ he asked not wanting to force him to do something he did not want but knowing that it may be the best for him.

  
\---

 _“Wade you can’t beat yourself up about this..”_ Steve continued, _“you were doing what was best for you both, you and Pete can only decided that.”_ Wade turned around and pressed his back against the counter, _“But he didn’t I did I made this decision, we should have stayed at the compound or at least he should of, he would have had you guys to look after him until he was mentally well enough, and I wouldn’t be calling you here after 1am to come fix what I have clearly broken.”_ Wade whispered his voice breaking, _“I can’t fix it this time, I tried so hard to do this on my own and I haven’t done a good job of it, I tried to get him to eat he can’t do it, I tried to get him to talk and this is the outcome, I make him shower or bathe, even with tears streaming down his face.”_ He stated crossing his arms over his chest, pressing his forearms against his ribs, hoping to suppress the hurt in his voice.

_“I’m not giving up on him but I’m exhausted, it’s been a few weeks and I’m not capable of taking care of my own boyfriend, I may have made the situation so much worse, but just telling him about May.”_ he licked his lips and pressed them tight together, his eyes a glazed with tears that were yet to roll down his cheeks. Steve made no attempt to argue with the man, Wade’s words seemed final. _“You should come back to the compound too?”_ he offered, Wade shook his head, _“No, he needs to get better and it wont help if I’m there. He’s home now I know he is safe, I can rest easy knowing that, I know he is going to be safe with you and he will get the right help at the compound. Until then Ill visit when needs be.”_

\---

Peter had since moved from the floor and now stood up hugging Tony tightly, the sobs eventually fading, only the soft hiccups remained, his cheeks and eyes stained red. _“So, the compound it is?”_ he asked again, Peter nodded his head, _“I can’t keep doing this to Wade, I can see how exhausted he is, he needs a break”_ he added his voicing strained with crying.

\---

  
Stepping out of the bathroom and making his way through the bedroom with Tony, he was met with Cap who was now seated on the couch. _“Wilson?”_ Tony asked looking slightly confused to find Steve on his own, Steve shook his head _“he’s went to get some air I told him we would leave him a message if we were leaving.”_ He said, his eyes staring at Tony who seemed to get the message, _“Ok, well we are going, Pete if you wanna grab your shoes you don’t need anything else”_ Peter nodded his head, wiping the tears that fell from his eyes when he realised Wade had left, making his way back to the bedroom to grab his shoes.

Tony watched as he disappeared from earshot, _“Wilson, is he ok?”_ he asked, Tony still found it strange to have so much concern for Wade but he had seen him at his worst and watched him hold it together. Steve shook his head, _“He’s gonna keep his distance, wants to give Peter time to heal.”_ He whispered, hoping the younger man would not hear him.

  
Tony turned his head to look towards the bedroom, _“I don’t know if that will help.”_ He replied, his face laced with concern when Peter made his way back into the room, shoes on and ready to go another hoodie, this one was black, one of Wade', Tony assumed just by the size it was now draped over his arm his other hand gripping it tightly.

....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos keep me going! :) Thank you so much for the ones I have received so far!  
> Sorry for any mistakes! Any issues please message me!  
> Grammer Correction Updated 10/08/2019  
> x


	8. “He’s not coming, back is he?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _10 months after the snap, Wade has waited in the hopes that his baby boy will return, the remaining Avengers believe they can fix it they can set the balance right, unaware of what the consequences could be. Wade just wants the silence to be gone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:  
> I don't any of these characters.  
> This originally started as a One Shot, don't know what happened.  
> \- Clarification - Peter is in college instead of school.  
> Wade & Peter are so my focus!  
> Not compliant with Endgame - but just if any happen to sneak in the tag is there.  
> Hope yous enjoy! 
> 
> *Thank you so much for your patience I hope you enjoy the update.*  
> Any Errors are my own & no doubt on my 100th reread I will spot them!  
> Sorry!

  
< **Flashback >**

 **Turning the key in the lock and pushing the wooden door opened, Black Widow stepped inside the apartment, looking around the open room at where the voices came from, she noticed the television on,** _“Doesn’t seem to be anyone around?”_ **she said into the comms, stepping through the apartment she glanced into the kitchen her hand her weapon.**

  _“Kitchen and living room are both clear”_ **she added again. Natasha knew what she was looking for her eyes scanning around the room at the bedroom door ajar slightly, a light could be seen through the small gap, placing her hand on the door she pushed it opened, her eyes scanning the room as the door peeled back.** _“Nothing”_ **she added again, almost as though she was talking to the air.**

 **Following the stream of light flooding into the room from the bathroom door that too was open ever so slight, she took a breath and pushed the door open, a breathe escaping her lips,** _“I’ve got him”_ **she said,** _“might need a little help though”_ **adding with her finger pressed to her ear taking in the sight in front of her.**

 **Blood coated the tiles and the porcelain of the bath,** _“Wilson”_ **she whispered softly leaning across the bath to check for a pulse, finding nothing. “** _Yeah, he’s cold probably has been for a few hours, Clint you think you can help me?”_ **she asked,** _“Yeah I’m on my way”_ **a voice replied over the comms.**

****Natasha sat on the edge of the bath tub, a sigh escaping her lips,** _“Can you also send a clean up crew?”_ **she asked.** _“Roger that”_ **the voice replied. Stepping out of the room she grabbed her cell, finding a contact before raising it to her ear to make a call.****

_“Yes, he’s dead for now, 4_ th _time in six months Tony, we need to keep him at the compound. At least he did it here this time, bullet like last time”_ **she added,** _“Never thought I would care so much about him”_ **she whispered.**

 _“Clint’s on his way to me now, we’ll get him cleaned up and we will head back to yous. Talk soon.”_ **A goodbye escaping her lips as the call ended. Her eyes glancing back to the bathroom before she heard footsteps and a familiar face appearing,** _“he’s in the tub”_ **she greeted.**

**< End of Flashback>**

 

**< Present>**

 

Natasha ran her fingertips across the line of dust that had gathered on the top of the television, her eyes looking around at the neat apartment, the blind drawn shut and the faint smell of dust hung in the area.

 _“Nobody here”_ came the voice from another room, _“Defiantly not there hasn’t been for at least a month”_ she called back, before making her way to the kitchen to see Clint closing the refrigerator door closed, _“Nothing in here the same way it looked around 3 weeks back”_ he said, turning to look at the red head.

 ** _“_** _People just disappear…well they do but not like this”_ she said dragging her fingers through her hair thinking studying the area around her, **_“_** _He would have left a note, he wouldn’t just up and leave and not tell anyone."_

 _Did you check the bedroom for his clothes?”_ she asked raising her head to look at Clint. _“His drawers are empty, he’s not here, and the closest note he left was what he said to Rogers, we’ve been through this for the last month.”_

 _“Since when did you have such a soft spot for Wilson.”_ Clint teased. ** _"_** _He’s harmless can be manic at times but he’s helped us out”_ she paused shaking her head slightly, _“And I know how he felt”_ she added her voice breaking a little.

Clint’s features softened and he reached out to squeeze her shoulder, ** _“_** _I’m sorry, he needs space, he knows Peter does too, and he’ll be back he won’t have gone far.”_ He said looking at her, giving her the softest smile. ** _“_** _Let’s get back to the compound.”_ She nodded her head in agreement as they made their way out of the apartment, she glanced back softly, _“come home soon”_ she whispered under her breath and she sealed the front door shut.

 

**< Flashback>**

**Steve carried Peter gently to his room, between the drive back to the compound and the endless tears he had finally fallen asleep, Tony followed slowly behind the soft thump of the crutch, making Steve aware he was still there.**

**Pulling back the covers and setting Peter down, he pulled the covers back across him, not bothering to remove the hoodie he had held tightly between his hands. Tony rested his shoulder against the door frame,** _“Friday dim the lights”_ **he whispered to the ceiling the lights lowered just enough not to leave Peter in total darkness.**

_“I should have told him when he came back, he has stewed over this, he wasn’t stupid and I treated him as such, I thought I was doing him a favour, took the situation out of Wilson’s hands and look were that’s gotten us.”_

**Tony stepping back into the hallway, Steve pulled the boy’s door shut, shaking his head a little.** _“This is nobodies fault Tony, no matter if you try to take the blame it isn’t. Thanos did this, and we are just here picking up the pieces trying to make this all right.”_ **Steve added as they both made there way down the hall.**

 **_“_ ** _I know Wade said he had been eating but I don’t know Tony, there is not much weight too him and I know that sounds stupid coming from me but..”_ **Steve continued before being cut off by Tony, _“I know I get it he isn’t eating enough I thought that when I saw him tonight, and Wade is in no way neglectful not when it comes to Pete”_ he added.**

 _“Look we gotta get some sleep, tomorrow is a fresh start I’ll get Cho to run some tests, I don’t want him in the group therapy at the moment I think he needs time on his own”_ **he continued.**

**Steve nodded his head in agreement, Steve doesn’t know when it happened or how he felt so comfortable in the role, but with May passing they have both become somewhat surrogate dads to the Spider-boy.**

**A role that he had been all to happy to fill, even if he had never admitted it out loud.** _“Yes, that sounds like the best course of action, Ill try and get Natasha to keep tabs on Wilson, if he hasn’t already left town”_ **he added.**

 _“With regards to his therapy, do you mind if I try talking to him?”_ **he requested,** _“You know Rogers, that might not be a bad idea, he’ll not share as much with me as he will with you.”_ **Tony added,** _“Ill see you in a few hours”_ **he said stepping into the elevator to take him to the top floors.**

**Steve watched him disappear as the elevator doors closed. Turning on his heel he made his way to the kitchen at the end of the hall, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge before sitting up at the breakfast bar, his eyes staring out at the faint city lights that could just barely be seen.**

**The reflection of the glass catching the outline of a figure leaning against the door frame.** _“Shouldn’t you be resting?”_ **he asked his voice coming out in a hushed tone.**

 _“Couldn’t sleep”_ **Peter replied his voice sounding strained,** _“You looked out of it earlier when I put you to bed?”_ **Steve replied getting up to grab another bottle of water from the fridge.**

 _“Nightmares.”_ **Peter added as he made his way into the room the hoodie that he had been clasping in his hands now on him. Steve eyed him carefully as he sat up on at the breakfast bar,** _“Cold?”_

 _"Yeah, sometimes I’m either to warm or too cold.”_ **Peter zipped it up a little higher, Steve didn’t miss the one underneath.** _“Want to tell me what your nightmares are about?”_ **setting the bottle down on the counter, before settling himself back onto the bar stool.**

 **Peter shrugged,** _“Space”_ **he whispered, shifting uncomfortably in the seat, he dragged his fingertips down the surface of the water bottle,** _“They always about Space, Pete?”_ **Steve asked his eyes studying the boy’s movements,** _“What does it matter what they are about, its all happened, and I can’t change anything...”_ **he said defeated.**

_“What makes you think that, you know we can help Pete if you talk with us?”_

_“Its not gonna bring her back is it…”_ **his voice breaking as he spoke and tears beginning to fill his eyes as they dripped onto the counter, his hands quickly brushing them out of the way.**

 _“No it won’t but if you talk with us we can help you through it Pete, we can help you through all of it, we should have told you from the start when you first came back, nearly a year without everyone, we didn’t know it would be so difficult, so much to piece back together not just ourselves but everyone else.”_ **Steve added, his eyes catching Peter’s who's were staring at him.**

 _“Can we do that kid? Will you let us help you?”_ **he asked, getting up from the bar stool and making his way next to Peter, placing a hand on his shoulder, Peter leaned into the touch before resting his head against Steve’s chest, Steve placed a hand to the side of the boy’s head feeling the heat radiating of his skin, staring down at the boy confused.**

 _Maybe you should take one of those hoodies off, and then we can sit and chat a little more.”_ **Peter shook his head against Steve’s chest,** _“It’s ok”_ **he said sitting up and wiping his eyes,** _“I’m sorry”_ **reaching across to lift the water bottle, opening it to take a long drink.**

_“Don’t apologise kid, we are here for you through everything.”_

\--

 _“I’m telling you Tony, his skin was warm he was claiming to be cold”_ **Steve whispered, as Tony worked away in the lab.** _“He didn’t discuss much really only what his nightmares were about, he didn’t even discuss Wade."_

 _“When you say warm like a fever warm?"_ **He asked raising the glasses to his head to look at Steve,** _“Yeah but he was wearing the two hoodies and claiming he was cold, he doesn’t act like he is ill, but I don’t remember the others coming back feeling like this, and they’ve all been back the same length of time.”_

 **Tony turned his attention back to the gadget he was working with, dropping the glasses to his eyes** _“Strange and Peter where in the same place with me and he is fine I have been fine. The guardians I haven’t heard much from them but if there is any sort of trouble, they would check in. Probably best I get Cho to look at him once he’s awake”_

 **Steve nodded in agreement** , “ _maybe get her to add a drip or something, maybe he is just exhausted, and he doesn’t realise he is sick because he hasn’t been better since he got back he isn’t able to tell the difference.”_

 **Tony rocked his head a little at the suggestion,** _“Yeah that could be true, Wade would have said something.”_

_“Let’s be honest here Wilson saw the kid eat but he still seems to have lost more weight”_

_“You sound like a parent”_ **Tony said his glasses now slipping to the bridge of his nose.**

 _“He worms his way into your heart”_ **Steve replied, concern showing on the creases on his forehead.**

 _“Boss Mr Parker is awake.”_ **Friday called out through the lab.**

**< End Of Flashback>**

**< present>**

Natasha and Clint arrived back at the compound, they could hear chatter from the kitchen, _“hey”_ they both called out as they walked into the room, _“Hey”_ Steve called out as Sam waved his hello, _“Where’s Tony?”_ Natasha asked turning back to Steve, _“He’s with Pete, any luck finding Wilson?”_ Clint shook his head, _“apartment is still empty, still no signs he has been back in the last few weeks, how’s Pete?”_ he asked.

 _He’s resting, Tony is watching him. “_ turning back to stir the food in the pot, “ _Either of you want some chill?”_ Clint nodded and sat up on the bar stool, turning his head to chat with Sam.

Natasha walked across the kitchen resting her back next to the cooker, _“Ill make sure I find him”_ she whispered to Steve. _“I know you will you always do.”_

 _“How is the kid really?”_ she asked resting her hands against her hips, _“he spent a lot of today resting, Strange is still trying to get in contact with the guardians. But he would be happy to see you for a bit if he is awake.”_

 _“Well I think Ill go see if he is, you want me to give him a hug from you?”_ she smiled sweetly.

 _“Always”_ he replied reaching forward to give her a soft kiss on her forehead, as she turned to leave the kitchen.

\--

Tony laughed softly at the scene playing out on the TV, _“you know after 5 seasons this really is a funny show”_

 _“I’ve told you this from the beginning”_ Peter replied his head resting against Tony’s side, _“May and I use to watch it”_ he added quietly, they hadn’t spoken about her in a while, weeks really, but Tony knew Peter would open when he was ready.

Tony explained what had happened, when he finally returned to earth, he explained the utter chaos the snap had left behind people didn’t only disappear in the snap, people died through tragedies that could have easily been avoided. Car accidents, plane crashes, buildings burning, the list went on, Thanos snapped half the world away and left enough heartache for not only those who were left behind but for those who later returned. Family members gone for good.

 _“And did she love it from the start?”_ he asked looking down at Peter, his face was pale it had been for a while, his eyes dark with a shadow underneath, the nasal cannula rested under his nose providing a steady stream of oxygen.

He’d been sick a while now, Dr Cho had been working on his bloodwork, no explanation on what was happening with his body, his heal factor no longer working.

And it had been long while since he had eaten anything solid, Steve always provided liquid shakes to help keep his strength up, solids where a no go to many incidents, eventually Peter refused all solid food. The shakes usually went undrunk, eventually Cho put in the feeding bag in.

He had lost a great deal of weight to the point his body required a little help. At first Tony thought he was being difficult he didn’t mean it as harsh as it had come out that night, but he had been stressed and worried the 20-year-old was skin and bones, his kid was a shadow and he couldn’t help him.

 

**< Flashback>**

 

**Tony hadn’t meant to drag him as harshly as he had, pulling Peter back to the table to eat the dinner that Natasha had prepared, “** _You will eat it Peter, no more of this look at you, skin and bones, you can’t even heal as much as a rag nail”_ **he add pushing Peter down into the chair.**

**The tears were streaming the younger man’s face, Steve had just stepped into the room again after having gone to wash up after dinner. Peter had picked at the food most of dinner time pushing it around on his plate.** _“Tony stop!”_ **Natasha yelled standing up quickly, watching as the scene unfolded** _“What’s going on!”_ **Steve shouted, rushing forward to pull Tony back,** _“Stop, Stop”_

 **Tony shook Steve’s arm away,** _“3 weeks, 3 weeks Steve he hasn’t eaten one single meal and it he does he throws it up there will be nothing left of him if he keeps this up”_ **Tony turned back to see Natasha ushering Peter to his feet to leave the room.**

 _“He is not doing this on purpose Tony, do you think he wants to be sick”_ **he yelled, watching as Natasha and Peter both left the room.**

 _“Did you ask him Tony? Did you ask him why he can’t eat it?_ " **Steve questioned, Tony shook his head his shoulders still shaking from the anger that had taken over, “** _It tastes like ashes, everything he eats why has nobody thought to ask the kid, food is just being forced at him.”_ **He replied angrily.**

 _“Well if you knew, why didn’t you tell us”_ **Tony added his eyes staring directly at Steve.**

 _“He told me today Tony, only today at our therapy session, he’s scared he doesn’t know what’s happening and we are not helping. You’ve seen him try, you’ve seen him eating plates full of food and we never questioned him. Then as soon as he leaves the room it’s a rush to be sick because its all he can taste. He’s not doing it on purpose.”_ **Steve added his voice a little calmer now.**

**Tony closed his eyes tightly** _“I’m sorry”_

_“Not me who you should be apologizing too”_

**< end of flashback>**

 

 _“I don’t think she hated it”_ Tony was pulled from his thoughts by Peter’s voice. Tony chuckled to himself. _“I’m glad it wasn’t just me then kid.”_

 _“You always call me kid, I’m 20.”_ Peter replied raising his head to look at Tony, _“Can’t help it you’re my kid.”_

Both turned as the door opened and Natasha stepped inside, _“Tony, you need a break from the дитя”_ Tony chuckled loudly at her comment, _“I would say No, but I do need to stretch my legs”_ , Peter rolled his eyes and lifted himself a little to let Tony up, _“Can I speak with you for 1 moment in private first though?”_ she asked.

Tony stood up arching his back to stretch, grabbing his cane to walk with, nodded his head as he did so. _“Don’t watch without me”_ he added turning to Peter to give him a smile. _“I wouldn’t”._

Stepping outside of the room, they both waited until the door was closed, both walking a little down the hall before speaking, _“No sign of Wilson, Tony I don’t know what to tell you, he has just vanished as much as it scares me to us this I don’t know where he could have went this time”_

 _“He’ll come back I know this all just got on top of him, but he would never leave him for long enough not with a justified reason."_ Tony shook his head, _“Who would have thought I would be defending Wade.”_ She smiled a little at him.

 _“You just see what I see that’s why.”_ She replied. _“Look you take a break for a while I’ll sit with him until he falls asleep.”_

 _“Sleep?”_ he laughed softly _“I personally do no know what that is."_

 _“Neither does he”_ she smiled leaning up to give Tony a kiss on the cheek, _“Get some rest we will call you if we need you.”_

Tony nodded and turned to make his way to elevator to his room.

\--

 

Steve glanced at the clock it was just after midnight, it was the quietest the compound had been in weeks Bucky had returned to Wakanda for a brief stay, TChalla had decided it may be best he heal where he had spent the last few years. Therapy worked for him, but Steve agreed with TChalla it was the best place for him to heal.

 _“Captain Rogers, Mr Parker seems to be in distress”_ Friday called out, setting down his book he got up from the couch, _“Friday put the lights up in Pete’s room to 70%”_

Steve made his way out of the room and down the hallway to the rooms, _“Pete”_ he whispered softly opening the door gently and peering inside, the bed was empty, the nasal cannula but the unsuite bathroom light was noticeable under the door.

 _“Pete”_ he called out as he knocked on the door, _“You decent buddy?”_ he asked pushing the door open his eyes scanning the room to find Peter kneeling over the bath tub. _“Hey buddy, you doing ok?"_ He asked reaching out to rest a hand on the back of Peter’s neck, he turned his head to look up at Steve, _“I thought I need to throw up turns out the bath tub is a lot cooler than my skin right now”_ he chuckled, the kid had somewhat got a little humour back.

 _“Look I’ll get you ice packs you don’t need to be lying against the bath tub.”_ he leaned over to help pick him up from the cool tiles, _“That’s it back to bed”_ helping him up and carrying him back to the bed, carefully helping him sit down and being careful not to move the feeding tube or bag. _“Is it the bag did it make you feel like you needed to throw up?”_ Steve asked as he helped to put the nasal cannula in place.

Peter shook his head, _“Just nightmares, I miss Wade, he was in them”_ he added sleepily. _“I know buddy he’ll be back soon”_

_“I’ll get you some ice packs you get back to sleep”_

Steve stepped from the room to get the icepacks, it had been a while since Peter had spoken of Wade, but he knew the discussion that Peter had had the night they had gotten him at the apartment with Tony, Peter seemed to feel guilty for all the stress Wade seemed to be under, he assumed they knew where Wade had been and were giving him time to heal.

Steve knew now they needed to find him especially if Peter was going to start asking about him. Steve returned to the room and placed a few icepacks at Peter’s side, _“Strange will figure this out Pete, and then you’ll be as good as new_ ” tucking the light blanket over Peter. <

_“He’s not coming, back is he?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the wait was worth it for you all!  
> Thanks again for the patience!  
> Kudos keep me going! :) Thank you so much for the ones I have received so far!  
> Sorry for any mistakes! Any issues please message me!  
> x


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